Monday, February 25, 2013

I made it through the Holiday season, that's the good news.  The bad news:  I lost my Dad on January 14, 2013.  I am still trying to wrap my head around him being gone.  I have lived with, and taken care of my Dad, the past 8 years, since my Mom died.  He was my rock, after my Husband died, 6 years ago.  Now he's gone.  There's such an empty place in my life.

It wasn't that we weren't expecting something to happen to Dad, it's that now he's gone.  It's not that he was the one who always told us: "Don't be sad.  I've had such a good life, marriage, kids, job....", it's that now he's gone.  I'm nobody's little girl, anymore.

I'm the caretaker of the family.  I worry about everyone.  It's my job to take care of what needs to be taken care of....Now I have so much to take care of, and no one to take care of.  Out of habit, I still put his cereal bowl out on the counter, every night.  Then remember that I don't have to do that, anymore.  I still make sure there's a full jar of coffee in the cabinet. Then, I remember that he won't be here to drink coffee with me, ever again.

When I lost my Mom, it broke my heart.  When I lost my Husband, it shattered my life.  And, now I've lost my Dad. There simply aren't any words....